Changing me

Tonight a series of thunderstorms came through, and normally I’d be on my Weather App for a minute by minute play of all up to date weather alerts.  But since we’ve had rain 3,000 times this summer already, I didn’t think much of it.  Only while I was rocking Simon in his room did I start to hear loud trumpet sirens did I then start to think twice.  Either Jesus was returning or there was a torando.

“Michael, are those tornado sirens?”

Just as those words popped out next thing I know I see Trevor flying down the hall, running down the stairs screaming and crying, “Get in the basement!  GET in the basement! Get in the BASEMENT!!”

Like any good mother would during her child’s unrest, I burst into laughter at this scene.  Every. single. time. there is a storm Trevor asks if there is going to be a torando and if I’ll know there’s a tornado and if I’ll hear the sirens and even if I’m sleeping will I hear the sirens  and on and on and on…

He is just like me.  I have had similar fears (albeit somewhat irrational fears) for much of my life.  I become very anxious about things and from a very young age I had to memorize Philippians 4:6-7 to calm myself.  So, I have always joked that Trevor is just like me when it comes to these fears- he takes them very seriously.

Then I started thinking about this tonight after everyone is asleep and its just me.  How the heck am I supposed to help my child not be afraid when I’m afraid of the same thing?  How am I supposed to be calm and collected in an emergency when really I’m trembling beneath the surface?  Or how am I supposed to help my child be confident and bold in new situations when I’m extremely shy and antisocial?

Then I started thinking more and thought, hmmm, God do you grow me out of my fears by using “me”?  Do you allow my fears to be repeated in Trevor, so that I have no choice but to step out and trust You?  Any mother in her right mind would give her life for her children figuratively and literally, so in doing so is that how I fully face my anxieties?  Because I have to so my children are made better?  Since I HAVE to be the brave one, FOR them, then in turn I will conquer each fear?

God thank you for loving me, and revealing Yourself to me, even in the small conversations of tornadoes.


3 thoughts on “Changing me”

  1. This is why you’re the best mom EVER. Love this post. Especially because I can remember cowering in the bus at downstate because you were afraid of fireworks…and late night conversations in the hotel room about the possibility of alligators being under our beds….Love you.

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