It moves

Woah.  Blog drought again!  I go through my day and “write” blogs in my head all the time…but then getting around to posting them is a whole other story!  I love having my blog.  I’ve started to print out my posts to make a scrapbook for the boys, so they can read about what their mom was like in their early years. :)  And lets be honest, I’m not going to get around to making scrapbooks by hand anytime soon- I only have up to Trevor’s 4 month pictures done thus far…hahaha!  My blog is a way for me to share what is on my heart, which is such a great outlet for me since most of my daily conversation is with kids age 5 and under.  And it is such a blessing to hear from people that they like to read my pondering thoughts and are encouraged in some way…or that one of our escapades gave them a good laugh! :)  So Blog, I’m glad to be back on you! :)

Simon has stolen my heart.  It’s so funny because each time I’m pregnant I think I can’t possible love the next child as much as I love the previous ones.  How amazing how your heart immediately triples in size and you can’t imagine life without this new little bundle!!  Little Simon is my chubby, cuddly lovebug. Every time we reach a new milestone it makes me even more teary than before!  Putting away the 0-3 month clothes sent me into hyseterics, and don’t even get me started on thinking about moving him to his room!  With Trevor and Elliott I anticipated each new stage (to my dismay now, I even rushed it sometimes), and they were sleeping in their own rooms by 6 weeks!  So what is it?  Could it be that I feel that Simon is the last piece of our family unit, so I cling to the baby part?  Am I afraid of the unknown- the next stage of life as a family, goodbye newborn childbearing years?  I don’t know.  But I’ve found myself dwelling so much on the sadness of saying goodbye to one thing to move on to the next that I’m missing all the JOY in this moment!

I’m still studying Isaiah at BSF (and I still LOVE IT!) and got stuck on this verse one day.  I had just finished a little sob session with God (they’re quite frequent these days) and no joke, this was the passage I started to read to open my study for the day.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past . See I am doing a new thing!”  Isaiah 43: 18-19a

A few years ago, I was too focused on rushing the future.  Now I’m clinging with clenched fingers to the past.  God, help me to get it right! :)  What have I missed in the here and now- the new things God is doing??

So Lord, help me to be thankful for the past, excited for the future, but joyful in where you have me right now.  I’ll give Simon an extra cuddle and smooch to soak up that baby scent, but each time he reaches a new milestone I’ll look at it with new eyes.  You are growing him and forming him to bring You glory.  I am going to laugh with Elliott when he asks me the never ending circle of “why?” questions, and I won’t burst into tears thinking, “oh, I miss the sound of his little baby voice.  Why can’t I remember his little baby voice???”  And Trevor.  Oh my where did the years go with Trevor??  And why does he write books about his new love Meara instead of his beloved mommy??? God, help me to embrace the independence you have given him in this season of life and help him to have confidence in who You have created him to be.  Help me to cherish my boys and pour my love all over their little hearts…but help me to hold them with open hands.  For they are yours- may their lives bring you glory!

So what God has shown me is that life is designed to move!  We aren’t meant to stay in the same place forever (how boring and mundane would that be?!)  So I need to embrace the movement and the “new thing”! :)

One thought on “It moves”

  1. Very very very cool. Contentment in the moment. God’s given you such wisdom and insight into what He’s up to in your life and heart, Jen. Holding your hands open…that’s the hard part (the most important part) that takes enormous strength from God. I love you my firstborn. xoxo Mom

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