The only female

We proudly announce Baby Boy #THREE, or “Peanut Wilkie Zielke”

With his thumb like Elliott!
His sweet little profile
Even over the course of just a few days, God has brought me on an emotional journey I really wasn’t ready for!   First off, let me say how thankful I am for a healthy baby.  We know we are so blessed to have three children of our own, and have never experienced the loss of a baby.  What I am about to share with you in NO way is making light of what many families go through when it comes to conceiving and bearing children.  We know we are extremely blessed, and we are incredibly thankful for each one of our boys’ lives.

Whenever I pictured my life in the future, for some reason I always assumed I’d have lots of sons and at least one daughter.  :)  I consider myself pretty girly, and coming from a house of all sisters I really only knew all things girl!  I had always hoped for boys since I never had  a brother, but I guess in the back of my mind I just thought I’d of course have a girl, too.

After having Trevor and Elliott, I still thought I’d have more children.  Oddly though, with this pregnancy I’ve felt a real sense of closure the entire time that I haven’t experienced before.  I feel like our family is complete- which I know can only be God because I always told people I’d have hundreds of babies! :)

So when that ultrasound technician said, “It’s a boy!”  It kind of came as a shock to my soul.

Not because I was sad I was having a son- I love him more than my life already- but because it hit me that I’m not going to have a daughter.

That night was a very hard night for me.  And I’m hesitant to share this with you- I feel very vulnerable-because I don’t want it to be misinterpreted.  I love Trevor, Elliott, and Peanut Wilkie Zielke and would not trade them for anything.  I’m trying to make peace with the fact that God’s plan for my life is MUCH different than my plan for my life.   I know that being a mom of three sons is His best for me, and where would I want to be than other in the center of His will???   The emotional process of all this realization is what has been difficult for me.

Since we found out, I have prayed two things very consistently.  1) That God would help me to trust Him and His plan for my family and 2) That God would fill the void that only He can fill  in my heart that longs for a daughter.

God has done SO much in me even in these few short days.  He has used so many people to encourage me, whether it be people closest to me, strangers in passing, or my own sons!  I’ve felt the embrace of my heavenly Father in a mighty way, and I know He is saying, “Jenni, seriously….would I do anything less than my best?!”  Here are some of His sweet kisses:

-my dear friend Erika wrote, “a boy! i have always thought that raising a man of God, a head of a family, is such an amazing responsibility. God must think so much of you as a mother to give you three fathers/husbands/men to raise! and i mean that! :) i know you would have loved some pink and ruffles in your house, but truly jenni, i think it is an honor to be given 3 sons!”

-my close friend Sarah reminded me of our mutual family friends, The Frees.  Lauren Free married Mark, who is from a family of four boys!  Sarah does Lauren’s mom’s hair and she shared with me how MaryAnn always raves about her in-laws.  Mark and his brothers are incredibly respectful, Godly men, who adore their mom. :)  AND she now has a fantastic daughter in law in Lauren!  I seriously felt my heart leap for joy when Sarah told me all this- I honestly then had a new future “picture” in my head- it was me, incredibly proud of all my grown boys.

-Sarah (again…what would I do without her?) took me out to dinner one night and told me that we are going to make a pact and start our own special memories and traditions as best friends in place of what we’d do with our daughters.  So we will go shopping, have lunch dates, and get pedicures all the way to age 90 and beyond. :)

-since we’ve found out I’ve seen SO many families with all boys.  (Ironic, right? :) )  I asked one mom today how it has been having boys, and she just went on and on about how great it has been.  She’s loved it!  And she’s girly too! :)  She came from a house full of girls to having a her own house full of boys, just like me!

-and finally, the sweetest thing God could have done for me happened last night.  I was sitting at the kitchen table and Trevor was walking toward me, talking.  At that moment, I felt little Peanut Wilkie Zielke wiggle inside of me.  I said, “Trevor, Peanut Wilkie Zielke is kicking- he likes your voice!”  And Trevor yelled into the living room, “Elliott come here!  Our brother is kicking!”  Leave it to God to use my young son to enlarge my heart and flood it with His love.  At that moment, I fully embraced the new and improved picture of my life.  My three sons.  Whom I love more than my life itself. I am your mom.

So if someone else says anything to me to the gist of, “Ohhh, I’m sorry.  If it was a girl you’d have the perfect family!”  you WILL feel your face sliced apart as my mother bear claws come ripping down on it.  I am delighted, honored, proud, and blessed to have these three boys as the children God has chosen for me.

“For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession.”   Deuteronomy 7:6

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”  1 Peter 2:9

20 thoughts on “The only female”

  1. Oh Jenni. How absolutely beautiful. You bring tears to my eyes. I’m glad that you bared your soul…believe me, although in the future I know I will be more than happy with whatever God gives Mike and I, there’s always a part of you that longs for your own plan.

    I am so happy that your boys have a Mom like you. Our world will be a better place because of it.

  2. Jenni,
    You are a wise Godly woman. Thank you for sharing your heart on this blog. I too, was brought to tears while reading it. Your boys are blessed to have such a loving, God fearing mom. I’m very excited for you and how God is working and growing your family.

  3. I LOVE this! Coming from a family of boys, the pressure is on for me to have at least one girl. Since the time I had Gavin, people have told me, “well at least if you can have a girl next time…” I really would like to meet the person who declared that one of each gender makes the “perfect” family!
    As soon as Corey told me you were having a third boy, I said that there was no better family in the world for it. I love the idea of getting that girl time with friends, because I know 3 little boys will be completely fulfilling in your life in other ways!
    God bless and congratulations!

  4. Hi Jenni,

    Thank you for writing this, for being so honest, open and vulnerable and for trusting in the Lord with all your heart that He can bring you peace. You are a wonderful example to your children of what a beautiful, Godly woman should be.

    And remember…some day…far down the road, you will have daughters, 3 of them, daughter-in-laws…and then maybe even Granddaughters, and very special and unique bonds with each of them.

    Bless you hun, and may God give you peace and contentment in your heart :)

  5. I, too, had trouble with hearing that my baby girl was actually a boy. I, too, am a girly-girl and sigh with pain each time I walk through the piles of pink ruffles to the very back of each store where they keep the boy clothes.

    But, I also hear my boys playing as only boys do, and feel my heart pound with pride when they care for each other so well. Now, if only I could get strangers in the grocery store to stop saying, “Wow, three boys!? I bet you really want a girl!”

    I secretly love being able to be the only girl in my household. I can say, “It’s a girl-thing.” and know that they need no other explanation than that. I can get my boys ready for church in 20 minutes or less, including baths. I get to feel like the only woman in the world when I come down the stairs ready for the day and hear my boys exclaim, “Wow, Mommy, you look SO pretty!”. (That may be coaching on Daddy’s part, but hey, we do have to raise them right…)

    Congratulations on boy #3 and good luck as you train them to find the “daughters” for your family. Welcome to the club!

  6. My beautiful daughter, in whom I am well pleased and honored and so very grateful…in you I see God, I hear God and I am raised above the thinking of this world, marred by sin and weakness and self, and am renewed and refined by purity and truth and Godliness. I love you. I am grateful to God for His comfort, His personal encouragment, and the beautiful ways He continues to make Himself so real to you through His Word and through His body (sweet Sarah, we love you). Streams of living water flow from my eyes also as I listen to God through you but also as I view His majesty formed in the image of our third grandson. What beauty. Again, one for whom Dad and I are very grateful to our heavenly Father. Hugs and endless prayers from dad and me.

  7. Jen, I am blessed by your transparency. I’m searching for the verse that talks about Moses removing the veil and his face was radiant because he had met with God. I can’t find it! Can anyone out in cyber space help me? :) Anyway…your honesty and transparency blesses us! Love you! xox

  8. Dear Jen,
    How sweet to be filled with the joy of Jesus in the midst of life’s circumstances. I can not wait to hold tiny Z # 3 when he is born!!!
    Much love and continued prayer, Aunt Mar

  9. Jenni, I hope you know how much I absolutely love you and thank you for your wisdom… you’ve been like a big sister in so many ways and this is just another! Thank you thank you THANK YOU!!! I keep thinking about the picture that I have imagined for myself too and your soul bearings have shown me how little my thoughts and desires are compared to God’s. Your heart for the Lord and his plan astounds me and I am more than blessed to have such a godly example! I hope you know that I honestly believe there is no better mother of 3 boys than you (just ask nana nu I told her yesterday!) I hope someday I can be like you in so many ways because I know then I’m following the Lord very closely, it shines through your eyes and your vunerability and I know He’s smiling down saying, “that’s my girl!”.
    I love you jenni, you and michael and your 3 amazing boys!!!

    God bless,

  10. My precious shinning Star, you are shinning ever so brightly with the love of Jesus. He is being honored and glorified in and through all of this! You are an amazing vessel for Him, wife, mommy, daughter, sister and friend. The Christlike example that you are being is touching, blessing, and growing so many. I have been changed and blessed by your humble spirit. I am reminded of when Gabriel came to Mary and her humble words of…May it be as you have said and totally trusted. Now you are too at that place my sweet Jenni. Enjoy the blessings He is showering upon you each day.
    I love you and will continue pray for you, Mike, Trevor, Elliott and Peanut Wilke Zielke!
    Gods Richest Blessings

  11. Jenny, Jenny, Jenny!

    What a beautiful testimony to the work God does in making us a new creation! I love watching how God is creating His image in you by transforming your mind! You willingness to be honest in your thoughts is helpful to others who will either find themselves or those they love in similar circumstances! As further encouragement to you let me share with you the amazing feeling of having an older son! Yes – Saunders your little guy is older (almost 16!!) and way taller than his mommy! I now have another “man” in my life! :) who takes care of me & hugs me with his big arms! You will be surrounded by a group of 4 men who will treasure, honor, & protect their mommy & wife!!! How blessed you are & will continue to be! love you!

  12. Jenni,
    I so admire you and your obvious deep relationship with God. How unbelievably true that it takes a STRONG woman to raise a boy right, so no doubt, God knows what he’s doing giving you, choosing you to have 3. Your boys are beautiful and I am so excited to see your new little man :) Your post brought tears, glad you shared your heart.

  13. Dear Jenni and Michael,
    I am glad that you are seeing the joy of the truth of Psalm 16:6 “The boundary lines for me have fallen in pleasant places, surely I will have a delightful inheritance.”
    Dr. Chuck

  14. Jenni this blog gave me goosebumps…I can’t wait to see all that God continues to teach you through the birth of another amazing son. It’s so true what your friend said, it is a privilege to raise the future heads of godly households!!! I can’t even imagine all the wonderful families those boys will raise up…I’ll start praying right now for some stellar daughters-in-law for the future!!!! :) I love you all so much.

  15. Elli & I are so blessed to have such a godly and humble big sister. You truly are the best ever, Jen.

    I am thrilled to have three nephews that I can sing & dance with (Tyler & Michael will be thrilled I’m sure)! I love you so much and can’t wait to hold Peanut Wilke Zielke at the wedding..I am going online to buy him an infant tuxedo!!

  16. Hi Jen! Dad found the verse I was looking for — 2 Co. 3:18: “And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” I love you. xox

  17. Hi Jen
    Christina mentioned that you wrote about your sons and I wanted to be sure to read it since I too have been blessed with two wonderful, handsome men of God. Ryan is our first born and Matthew followed 11 months later. We had a son and wanted a daughter, but when Matt was born he was a he and not a she. We were a little disappointed but God had better plan for us. I would not trade my sons in for anything. God blessed me with the very best men. Ryan was born on Mothers Day and Matt was born the day before EASTER. God picked the best days for thier birthdays. My sons are truly a blessing to me everyday. They spoil me and take care of me. I am the queen of the house and I am highly favored. Thier dad is a true blessing in raising our sons and showing them that the women are special-especially their mom. As thier mom , I continue to pray for them and thier wives and my grandchildren.
    I don’t know who thier wives will be, but I know God has the perfect woman of God picked out for them. Then God will give me my daughters. God just waiting for the best so that I can be blessed with the best women of God for daughters. I pray that our sons will bring their children and my grandchildren up in the way of the Lord. Praise God for our sons!! They are the leaders and they will one day be the head of thier household. I am so glad to hear that you will be having another son. God has special plans for each of your little men. Hallelujah and Praise The Lord

    love and blessings to you and yours

  18. Congratulations on a healthy baby #3!! Nate and I are so excited for you guys! My older sister has 3 little boys and they are such a gift! It’s so fun to see the 3 of them play together, and how much love they have for eachother! :)

  19. Hi Jenni. Thanks so much for sharing this post with me. It is so encouraging to see how God is and continues to work in your heart as the mom of three boys. Those boys are blessed to have a mom like you!

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